i don't want to be seen as a pretty thing.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:48:22 GMT

last week in ukraine

not sure whether to put an exclaimation point or period at the end of that sentence.

on a break from an exam

writing an essay in ukrainian about "my regrets in life"
what a topic!

there was a pospherous spill here by a chemical train a week ago and they are rerouting all the trains to kyiv. i am takign the saturday night train to make a sunday afternoon flight. even if it is delayed a couple hours. i think i should still get to my flight. i hope.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:34:04 GMT

Still in Ukraine. Less 20 days left. I can't decide if I feel like I have been here for too short or too long of a time. Though the longer I've been here, the less frequently, I'm sorry to say, I've communicated with people back home. Then again, more time here only gives me more reasons to stay? I think? Maybe. Maybe not. The jury's still out...

live it up: ukraine

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:40:49 GMT

-picking strawberries for dessert
-pet pigs walking the streets
-salo for lunch aka pig fat
-vodka shots at 2 PM
-vodka shots at 2 AM
-not knowing what time it is where
-absolutely everything MUST be fried
-5 cent bathrooms
-60 cent beer
-everyone is like your grandmother
-english is a rare occurance
-water with ga, only
-lines, everyone loves to stand on lines
-all women must wear heels
-mullets are natural
-coffee is instant, literally
-moving boxes of TB aka public transportation
-real milk-- straight from the cow
-living in a bubble somewhere between the astro-jungarian empire and perastroika moscow
-cuban cigars
-legal is a relative term
-don't expect to have water all day because it can be shut off at any moment so shower while you can
-you might offend them if you don't eat it
-chances are you're not sure what it is-- neither are they
-it's ok not to wash fruit...
-don't drink the water
-look both ways 5 times before crossing the street
-know your poets
-not having a parliment is not such a big or bad deal
-everything is really better than you think
-everything has potential
-oyyyy

leavin' on a jet plane...

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 19:53:31 GMT

Okay, just wanted to say that I am sorry I couldn't stay goodbye to everyone a milion times, but I wish I could have becuse I will miss ya'll-- a lot.

I promise to learn to recite Ukrainian poetry.
I promise to eat all the meat and starch given to me.
I promise to not get kidnapped by Gypsies.
I promise to jump into rivers and off cliffs (maybe...).
I promise to not turn into Euro trash but still go to a disco EVERY night.
I promise to drink lots of vodka made by old ladies in their bathtubs.
I promise to take lots of pictures.
I promise to remember lots of things.

Post your mailing address if you wish to recieve post cards/the like and think I don't have your address already handy....

wooo hooo!!!

Mon, 07 May 2007 16:28:17 GMT

last final at 2pm!
end of my second year of college!
yay!
crazy stuff going on for the next 3 months!!!

i am trying to change my plane ticket so i leave for ukraine not on the 8th of june but the 10th because a. i have too much to do and need max time here and b. THE MONTE VODKA ICE LUGE is happening on june 9 AKA time to play beer pong with mr monte. HOW COULD I MISS THAT!?!?! fuck ukraine. i'm all about the vodka ice luge....

this is the woman who still thinks our neighbors are gypsies brewing potions in "the kettle"

Tue, 01 May 2007 01:22:40 GMT

mom: "i went to the library today and found out that i have a 7 year old fine."
ksenia: "oh really? why were you even at the library?"
mom: "i was taking out books on iraq."
ksenia: "um, okay, why?"
mom: "well, i figured i should read up on some things so i can talk about more than just pharmacy and HIV/AIDS prevention in conversation. so, i figured i'd start with the jimmy carter book."
ksenia: "god mom, that's so american of you."

shouldn't be on the internet but

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:31:50 GMT

i will qurartine myself tonight.
last day of classes but totally doesn't feel like it.
VERY anti-climatic and feel VERY detached from this whole school thing.
ukrainian final tuesday.
art history final thursday.
physics final monday.
weekend will be 1/3 play and 1/32 work and 1/3 moving out of the dorm FOR FOREVER.

summer is FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY set. thank god.
may is my month to read and prepare and FREAK OUT and go to new paltz
june and july is ukraine and studying and trips to the moutains to hangout with gypies
june 24 = ukrainian parlimentary elections aka should be a fun time
august is a lovely week in istanbul with patrick <3 !!! then home to find a home for next year

i think i have ADD.
i hope the gypsies don't kidnap me.

count down

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 18:19:19 GMT

this time of year really reminds me of riding in cars with girls to bowling and queens and high school graduation and the lawns on queens college capmus (i haven't let go of high school yet) and scrabble games with patty in between am and pm school by the fountain in lincoln center and walking around with a camera and being a bit more free than i am right now

because i have the semifinals for my ghana presentatios today
a ukrainian unit test and a beckerman response tomorrow
an art history paper that i am totally lost over thursday
tones of work aka prepping for another ukrainian text, an art history test, and a physics test over the weekend/ALL OF NEXT WEEK

i finish school may 7.
i go to new paltz (probably) june 1.
i go to ukraine june 9.
i come back aug 12.

um, okay.

shit man, i am so cool.

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:08:25 GMT

so this summer i'm going to ukraine
and i'm going to study at Lviv University a.k.a. Ivan Franko National University of Lviv (Львівський національний університет імені Івана Франка)\
which is
a. the oldest university in ukraine
b. where raphael lemkin was once a student and coined the term genocide

that is right.

i saw amanda get her septum pierced and got nervous for her.

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:53:41 GMT

i just ate a whole tub of cottage cheese
because i think i failed my physics exam
and i should have gotten bernie to tutor me for real
instead of on the floor and drunk at the montes
yeah
poop a looop

forward ever backward never

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 20:14:28 GMT

ghana was great.
replace the word great with 10000000 other words.
ghana still was great.

oh, and i got into the kansas program for the summer so looks like i'm going to uktaine?!

still have no idea where i really going but this is a step in the right direction.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 14:51:13 GMT

lamour is love: OMG yu better take lots of glam safari picks
XursoNERDcoreX: haha
XursoNERDcoreX: GLAM AFRICA
XursoNERDcoreX: YESSSS
lamour is love: i wanna see u like, in nice boots and a fab hat and khaki pleated shorts and a nice button down tied at the middle
lamour is love: and big glasses
lamour is love: and u have to be like, having cocktails with a lion
XursoNERDcoreX: but i'm only bringing moccassins
lamour is love: or giraffe
XursoNERDcoreX: hahaha

women's day piece

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 13:29:03 GMT

ВІТАННЯ ЖІНКАМ З НАГОДИ 8 БЕРЕЗНЯ

Бажаєм щастя і тепла,
Весни, усмішок, сонця,
Щоб доля світла увійшла
До кожного віконця.

Хай навкруги цвіте бузок,
Та небо буде ясним;
І щоб життя було в жінок
Щасливим і прекрасним.

Аби завжди в душі у вас
Горів вогонь кохання;
І хай у цей весняний час
Здійсняться всі бажання.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 04:04:58 GMT

+/-gypsy folk song research and paper
+ghana in less then a week for a week
+art history midterm
+antony and the jognsons show on friday
+dinner at florent
+having a last night in town before going far far away
+scheduling classes for next semester
+another trip to new paltz in april?
+ahh!!!

long time no livejounal

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:05:35 GMT

don't know why, but that's how it's been.

mirah's playing at nyu.
i think a bunch of us are going.

mad fun party at liz's yesterday.
serban has a gallery opening on march 23rd.
i got a sweet babysitting gig on thrusday mornings.
cmw is this weekend.
so is my dad's 50th birthday party.
plus some good parties and major big-time events.

i have been spending a lot more time relaxing and enjoying things more.

working hard on working hard.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:19:08 GMT

forget russia! i'm going to ukraine!

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 12:28:05 GMT

i don't know why but i just feel like dancing.

lists

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 02:51:16 GMT

i have not resolved to stopping my endless lists that fill/rule my life though i have a lot of other news years resoultions.
like,
1. eating slower (like at eveey meal)
2. starting a running/exercising routine at least 3 times a week (maybe with patrick?)
3. getting stuff done when it needs to get done/ not putting things off / stay calm / breathe
4. drinking less coffee
5. HAVING FUN ALL THE TIME, hahaha
6. at lease TRYing to....
7. read a book a week
8. volunteer more aka going back to soup kitchen sundays!
9. record my family history (as told by my grandparents) with film and audio
10. go to ukraine
11. get better at czech
12. learn (at least) conversational russian
13. read a ukrainian newspaper every week
14. continuing reading the nytimes every day/living by its word, haha

now i know that they sound/look a little intimidating to me, but i think a lot are either accomplishable or on the read to being accomplished already.

in other news,

i had such a super day today.
i haven't seen patrick in a week because i was in the middle of no where tropical rain forest st thomas (which was BEAUTIFUL, by the way). so we didn't really speak and i had no computer.
but today we met up at 8am for DIM SUM at golden bridge on the bowery. it was yummy, as always. then we went to p.s. 1 which is basically one of the best places ever. but we got there at 10 which is wayy too early since they only open at 12 so we sat in brazil coffee, which is a cute place and drank lattes for two hours and talked and caught up and ooooohhh how i missed that boy! and then we art-ed it up at p.s. 1 and then went back into the city to karen's on astor for soup! and got to see ASHLEY at work which was HEAVEN and a nice breath of fresh air annnnddd i showed pat the hamster puppet i want that is on sale at barnes and nobles. and we went home on the l train which is for lovers and parted ways romantically at halsey street. hah. not really, but it's really refreshing to see someone after a while, even if it is a short while compared to our past seperations.

the only bad thing was that at some point i lost my green flower hat, oh well!!!

and in other other news,
i LEAVE FOR GEORGIA ON SATURDAY AT 7:30am for a WEEK of community service with some cool people. then i get back NEXT SUNDAY the 14th.
monday is martin lurther king, and i have off still.
then tuesday the 16th is poopy school.
that is also the day max and eric come back.
then most people like hope, max and eric etc go back to school like the 20th.
but silly pat and ashley have off until the 29th. ew.

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 15:34:49 GMT

um, i think i got all As this semester? don't want to speak too soon. still waiting on one grade.

last night = the best
both the empire state + world trade = on video shutting off + cute photos of everyone + TONS OF FUN.

slept at bernie's and now home.
was going to go to the montes but probabyl better to stay home.

yay winter break!

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 13:50:47 GMT

i don't want to THINK anymore.
ugh, that's a lie.
but like i have this central euro lit exam
and he gave us all the questions already
and we're allowed to bring the books and outlines
aka the essay we wrote at home and should be just recopying in class
and i'm last and want to east coissants all day
and i am looking forward to havign coffee with yas and natas who will be leaving me next semester for fraance and also jenny and maybe anna and melaca
whom i haven't seen for years and ywah...
i feel obligated to outline and review
but dont want to
and then i feel nervous so i think i should draft
but i dont want to
and imf orcing myself

tuesday will be party night.. SLAVIC SOUL PARTY night with the boys and girls. <3

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 19:37:24 GMT

soooooooo done!!!!!!
well, with my paper.

time to finally watch the movie and be even closer to really being done.

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 17:50:39 GMT

um
still writing my paper
going to watch the movie that'son my final
home with mommie!
jennifer fogel's jew party!
hanging out!!!!

poop a loop

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:20:35 GMT

Fathers and Sons: A Conversation in 20th Century Central European Literature

old friends/book ends

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 02:55:48 GMT

not quite.
or at least i'm nto willing to admit an end.
every though we basically professes it.
maybe it is the start of a new and different beginning. very different.
but still hurt to hear you say that our lives have diverged paths as we ourselves are literally about to embark on divergent paths.
it made me sad.
sad on the corner of broadway and 9th street.
yes, sad. no, maybe sad and something else.
finally aware of my vulnerability? to believe that it could all be pieced together?
i think it's too late for that.

now, i guess, we will refer to each other as collagues.
that is, if only you invite me to your lectures.

slavic socialites.

"i think you need to do that, ksenia. do something for your country. ukraine really needs someone like that."

yeah, i had coffee with peter kuchinzski today at joe's and it was like a meeting of the former communist bloc.
diaspora snobbery at its best.
i cannot disagree.
the guilt is pouring out of my pores.

he showed me photos he took last summer of his family in poland.
he told me about how poor my country is. so much so that it is faster to travel in ukraine by horse and carriage than by car in certain places.
we talked about auschwitz and dissected our "tours" there.
i told him about the hottest expat clubs in prague.

despite our "divergent paths", it felt a lot like old times.
"we're living like as if ina victorian novel, dear."
so much of our conversation was quotable, or at least peter's words were, that i wish i wrote them down.

but i didn't. not sure why.
i guess i didn't want him to question me in doing so.
i never used to be so self conscious around him.

anyway, this doesn't mean the parodical son had come back to his ever-ready and all-giving mother.

peter is still off on his own "swepth away in a serious relationship and serious work".

what happened?

ugh, i don't know how i really feel right now/about this all.
so much so that i look forward to finishing the last hundred pages of the epic Esterhazy saga.

boys' club

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 02:47:18 GMT

no matter how close we get to boys while in a relationship, there are some rules that are never broken.

for example, boy secrets (gossip, etc.) between boys

there is no denying that they keeep them--- gay boys, straight boys, academic boys, jock boys, and the list of stereotypes goes on...

in an ideal world, we hope that boys have none, but in reality, they probably do.
all we can do is pray that they have nothing to do with us.

if this were a perfect world, this discussion would end here, and we would no longer yearn ponder the unknown.

but we're girls and according to a psychaiatrist/neuroscientist from california intervied in this week's times magazin (i believe it was called "He Said, She Said"), our brain, which is actaully smaller than that of men, is predisposed to crave gossip. oh my, the tirals of the weaker sex!

it described that, although the female brian is slightly smaller, it, in general, is more predisposed to verbal communication because the neurons/connectors/some sort of cells between the left and right sides of the brian/somepart of the brain are greater in a female's brain than in a male's. it also said that all fetal brains begin like this, with more "pro-communcation" neurons/whatever within the brain, and then either remain or dissipate as the fetus develops and forms a sex.

the interview's/article's evidence accounts for the fact that women have a greater daily word count than men-- numbers like 20,000 vs 7,000. it said that this is the best way to exaplin the communcation descrepancies between females and males.

after reading this interview/article, a personal experience really got me thinking: what does a frustrated girl do when her boy won't name names? obviosuly, she should probably just give up and get over herself. but what if she's not ready to do that? what if that isn't satisfying? what is she needs to know.

the artcile made me debate whether we, females, even have the right to blame men for their shunning of full disclosure to their closest female but instead should just write it all off as a trait of his sex.

though, that still doesn't solve the problem. we still deny the part of us of us that is envious for not knowing.

"what's the big deal of knowing anyway?"
who knows.
he won't say.

i feel my whole reasonging is flirting with a double standard (because don't we girls have secrets, too?).
but maybe it's because i am obsessed with rules and know that the rule of secrets breakes the rule of disclosure in any situation. duh, they cannot simulateously exist, at least not successfully. and when they do exist together, when the rule of exceptions is put into place, men are left in the difficult position of constantly strattling the fine line between their women and their best friends. oh, poor babies.